“If the season ends and we don’t win a game, I will walk from my house to the NFL Network studios.”

0-8 cincy Bengal, T.J. Hooshmanchiatta, threatening to walk the distance of a marathon PLUS half a mile if his team continues to suck as hard as they do. In related news Chad Eight Five threatened to change his name to Chad Zero Sixteen if his team goes winless.

“Too bad he can’t hit someone face up. It’s too bad he has to wait until he’s not looking to get him. It’s unfortunate that’s the type of guy he is.”

– 0-7 Cincy Bengal safety Chickenendumb Nduncewe (or whatever) slobbering and blowing snot bubbles to the media about how little old Hines Ward should have phoned ahead and told Kieth Rivers and the rest of the Bengals to turn around and get ready for a block he was going to throw .

On the heels of the Ward’s recent fines and this douche bag Bengals safety complaining about Ward’s perfectly legal block; we at SMcS fully expect Roger Goodell and the NFL to make Ward wear bells on his uniform so that opposing linebackers, too stupid to look around them during a play, can tell that the 205 lb receiver can be heard coming.

We present you a prototype.

“

You remember our ‘05 season right? Our ‘05 season we were unbelievable. Our ‘05 season is the year everybody went to jail and got arrested. That year everybody got in trouble. So maybe the bad was a good thing. It sounds dumb to say, but look at it. We have cleaned house and nobody is getting in trouble anymore, no DUIs, no arrests, now we’re getting our ass whopped. Maybe I don’t know,maybe I should go out have a drink, get in trouble. Our ‘05 was one of the best years here in history. It was one of those years where there was a lot of distractions.

– 0-4 Bengal receiver, Chad eight Five, pre-justifying his next arrest.

We at SMcS think their Bengals demise has much more to do with their Nancy-boy QB afraid of getting hurt and their lack or running game. But, by all means, give us some news and a cool mugshot to photochop. Better yet, next time you are out at a bar hangin’ with Chris Henry tell him the female bartender was making fun of his mama, saying she had to be from Mars in order to have an alien looking baby like Chris. We still bet you’ll be sitting at 5-11 by season’s end.

 P.S.  In the aftermath, after the new 2008 arrests, we’ll remind Chad Eight Five that the Bengal crime spree actually started at the tail-end of 2005; the bulk of the arrests occurring in 2006– a year in which the Bengals stunk worse than a dead fish rotting in a pile of cat puke sitting on top of a garbage can in East Liverpool.

We here at SMcS scour the internets and all that they have to offer in the way of fan-fueled NFL commentary and serve it up to you on a platter (translation:  we love to read smack talk and armchair quarterback blather). We found this gem in the Comments Section of a Deadspin.com.

“Oh yeah, Big Ben stopped a woman’s car with his face. Top that. “

– Deadspin commentor Sid Bream Was Out pishawing a story about Tony Romo stopping in a parking lot Sunday night to help a stranded couple fix a flat tire.

and for the record…we don’t believe Romo stopped to help anyone and we also were at the 1992 NLCS Game 7 and can confirm Sid Bream was safe, although he just made it to home plate about a week ago.

“I don’t really want to get into it, but for me personally, I think it was dirty. When I came back in (to watch the replay), it looked dirty to me. I’ve never been a dirty player. I honestly don’t even know how to play dirty. I just play the game. Any time you see something like that that looks foul, that looks dirty, it opens your eyes. So for me personally, it looked dirty.”

–New England Patriot WR, Randy Moss, inexplicably making Tom Brady’s injury all about himself.

Ummm, thanks Randy for endorsing Randy and how Randy plays when discussing how Randy felt about how Randy’s teammate Tom got hurt in a play that Randy saw in Randy’s locker room after the game that Randy played.

We here at SMcS scour the internets and all that they have to offer in the way of fan-fueled NFL commentary and serve it up to you on a platter (translation:  we love to read smack talk and armchair quarterback blather). We found this gem in the comment section of the Miami Dolphin blog The Phinsider

“Might the Giants be interested in Jason Taylor now? Pass rushing got them the Super Bowl win, so I’m sure they would hate to take a step backward in that department. NYC is a major media market and they’re obviously a contender, so JT would enjoy that environment…”

–Phinsider poster ZIM  manifesting his disdain for dancing hold out attention whore Jason Taylor in a productive way.

What we like about die hard football fans is their propensity to take any issue and relate it to the home team’s woes. Kudos for taking a retirement announcement as an opportunity to bash Jason Taylor. And for the unofficial record, we think it would be quite interesting to see Mr. Taylor Paso Doble his funky ass all the way to the Big Apple. Yep, we verbed Paso Doble.

We here at SMcS scour the internets and all that they have to offer in the way of fan-fueled NFL commentary and serve it up to you on a platter (translation:  we love to read smack talk and armchair quarterback blather).  We found this gem of a post on the forums at SteelerNation.com 

“When bed posts are outlawed, only outlaws will have bed posts…..”

–Steeler Nation poster THE flafan commenting on a story about former Steeler and now Packer, Noah Herron, fending off an intruder with a bed post–

Somewhere, Mr. Heston would be proud…Soylent Green Bay….soylent Green Bay…..is PEOPLE.

“It should be confusing, you’re going to get looks where we’re inverted or we’re both inside. We’re both going to rush, both going to drop. One might rush and one might drop, depending on what the call is.”

-James Harrison, as reported by the Post Gazette’s Ed Bouchette, on the team’s newly planned defensive schemes

here is what came to our silly minds when we read this.

…well, Harrison, started up on his 6 when he pulled through the clouds and then he moved up above him.

We here at SMcS scour the internets and all that they have to offer in the way of fan-fueled NFL commentary and serve it up to you on a platter (translation:  we love to read smack talk and armchair quarterback blather).  We found this gem of a post on the Steelers Fever Forum .

“Derrick Anderson is garbage that the Raisins threw away. How dare you even mention him in the same breath as Big Ben

Gay-dy Quinn will be starting by midseason”

-Lord Stiller

Now as a matter of clarity; we really don’t condone the homophobic slur, but we love any fan produced player nicknames.  Minus 1.  Plus 1. Net 0.